Sunday, August 14, 2011

Heaven help us as Tyna speaks out



I just read on Rumpy's blog that DeDe got a chance to speak and she even has a help column. What is the world coming to?


A help column? Good grief! Now you've done it, Rumpy! She'll think she's the next Doggie Ann Landers at this rate. Now you're in trouble!

Tyna is really upset to hear that DeDe got to blog on Rumpy's blog and she is having a fit as I write. Always something. *Rolls eyes*

She is bellowing and insisting that her voice be heard. Oh, Tyna. Go away! I'm trying to concentrate on my blogging. Go brood somewhere else already. Go tell Tanner your troubles.

Now Tyna. You look upset or is that just your regular expression? Hard to tell sometimes with those droopy jowls. You know I was only kidding. My, you're looking lovely today. *Sniff, sniff* Is that rotten fish you rolled in? Smells divine. I like your makeup job though you do go a little heavy on the black eyeliner and you didn't need to outline your lips with it, too. Are you trying to look like a Goth or something? You do need a new hairdresser though. Your fur is a mess. I know it's tempting to roll in smelly stuff but it doesn't do much for your fur, Dear.

Now, calm down, Tyna. There's a good girl. *Pats Tyna's furry head* Want me to get some valium for you? Now just relax, my dear. You're getting much too agitated and ups

TYNA BUTTING IN HERE and believe me with my big head and shoulders, I'm good at butting in:

"Yes, it's me, the gorgeous and very intelligent Tyna, the St. Bernard who lives with those huskies (who rely on instinct more than brains), Tanner and Alex, and that incorrigible scalliwag, Malamute, Loup.

I've had it with Loup ignoring me and flirting with the ladies on Facebook. I put up with his fling with Winnie but don't think that it didn't sting a little or maybe that's the poison ivy I rolled in. Hard to tell.

Does he think it doesn't hurt to have him treat me this way? And I'm so good to him, too. I always visit him first thing in the morning and we have our little ritual where I let him chase me and let him have a good sniff.

And I let him use his pool and don't object when he won't let me use it, too. I know he has his selfish ways. I've put up with them for years.

I had my sights set on him when we first met but no longer. He was so rugged, mysterious, and handsome when he first arrived on our doorstep. What girl doggie wouldn't be swept away by him? I know Cathy was smitten and she's a human. She wants to write a paranormal shapeshifter story and have Loup be the Alpha dog or is it the Alpha male, I forget. Oh, Cathy, give me a break. *GAGS and big clump of slimy grass pops out*

But now I feel that Loup is just not worth it. I'm going to move on. I've started a self improvement course of diet and exercise and I feel great.

I go out to lunch with my girlfriends and they actually listen to me which is more than I can say for Loup who treats me like a bimbo.

Loup says I'm too high maintenance. I AM NOT high maintenance. Okay, so I whine and bellow a bit too much at the mere hint of a thunderstorm or when the wind comes up or when he goes out for a night with the boys. Excuse me for living! Hmph! I just need some attention now and then. Is that too much to ask? I really don't ask for much. I could be like that prissy Winnie who has her owner Wendy at her beck and call. I'm not like that. CATHHEEEEEE! Where are you? The wind just came up. BARK! BARK!

I might be a little on the neurotic side but like Loup's predator/prey instinct, my neuroticism is part of my charm along with my doggy smell. I can't help it.

There, I got that off my chest. Ahhhhhh, feels much better to be out with it. So freeing and liberating.

Here, Loup you can have the blog back. I'm done."

Loup here. *Scans the blog* So I go out with the guys? What's wrong with that? I am NOT selfish. So Tyna, you're all better now, eh? That's great. Glad to hear it. So could you rustle me up some dinner? I'm starved and I'm going bowling later with some of the guys. Oh, you know who they are. They're nice guys. You know. There's Rumpy, Archie, Chance, Dylan, Oscar, Elliott, Dugan and Hunter. All nice guys, each one.

Now could you get right on that, Toots? There's a good girl now.

Now, Tyna. Don't look that way. It's most unattractive. I didn't mean it. OUCH! Stop hitting me with that bone. I didn't mean it. OUCH!

Okay, readers. I'm outta here. This is too much to take. Off I go for a few beers and some rolling in gross stuff with the boys before bowling.

Until next time, be good the way I always am! *Fake halo springs out over top of devil horns*

*Makes note to always work on blog when Tyna is napping*


4 comments:

  1. Ya know, you two might consider therapy with Cesar Milan.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't need therapy but I'll pass his name to Tyna. Thanks, Rumpy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. tyna just wants to be loved Loup!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello? Where are we gonna get an updated post????

    ReplyDelete