Friday, July 13, 2012

Interview with Bigfoot

Welcome back, everyone! I know I haven't blogged in ages and my fans have been asking about it. I'm sure you've been missing my brilliant insights about life. (Well, maybe you haven't but I'm back anyhow. Live with it! GEESH!)

*Snaps at horse fly buzzing around head* Pesky creatures. Good thing I have so much fur but they do like to bite my ears. Come on, winter. Oh, sorry to all you summer loving folks but I am a snow dog after all. Can't help it.

Okay, where was I? 

I do apologize for my absence for such a long time. In order to rectify things, I have a treat for you. My Uncle Bigfoot. (I know. I don't get how an orange cat can be my uncle but apparently it's true) has agreed to an interview and here it is.

What is your full name and how old are you? How did you get your name?
Well, Loup, I never thought that I'd be sitting here being interviewed by a DOG, but here we go! My name is Bigfoot Thorneycroft, but on Facebook I'm B.f.Thorneycroft because they said the name Bigfoot was frivolous and they wouldn't accept it! Imagine -  FRIVOLOUS!! PFhhtt! I guess that I'm about five years old, more or less. I don't have a birth certificate and I don't really care anyway. Surprise! Surprise! I got my name because I have big feet! -- extra toes -- polydactyl.  I like having big feet. First of all, it's fun to see how long it takes for people who meet me for the first time to say "Look at those big feet."  Then there are the advantages when walking on snow in the winter. Also, you shouild see the way I can stir up a litter box! Oh, big feet are great in every way. 

I have big feet, too, Big so I can commiserate. They do prove useful though, don't they? I do like your extra thumbs on each front foot. They must come in handy when vole hunting, I bet. Then again, maybe not. Must be hard to be "all thumbs". Get it! Hardy har, har. I'm hilarious. I know.
Where were you born? Where do you live now? Who are your humans?
I was born in Montreal but at a very early age, Cathy's brother, Ken, put me in his car and drove me all the way to Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia where I live now on the shore of the Bras d'Or Lake. It was a long drive and they say that I yowled in the car the whole time, but I didn't! My humans, Berni and Gerry are retired and live in Cape Breton because they have travelled around a lot and think that they have found the best spot here. I agree. It's a perfect place to fish, sail and, best of all, hunt voles!

You lived in Montreal as a kitten. Cool! Always wanted to go there. And Cape Breton, too. I don't get to go many places as Cathy says I'm too rambunctious. Bummer. Good thing I can travel in my imagination.
What kind of a cat are you?

I am an orange tabby cat and that's about the best there is! You hear about Siameses cats and Calico cats and my friend Gordon Drummond is a Persian cat, but when people choose a cat they can't do better than an orange tabby cat. We just look great whether we are inside a house or outside. We look especially good when we're in the bush sneaking up on a vole!

Watch out for that orange streak, voles! Big is on the prowl.
What is your favourite food?
This is easy! I love creamed wuna. Okay, I know you are going to ask why it's called wuna and not tuna. Wuna is Berni's cat-talk for tuna and it's creamed with tinned condensed milk. It is just delicious and everyone tries to steal a bite of it when I'm not watching. I saw you when you cleaned off my dish just now, Loup!

OOPS! You weren't supposed to see that. *Wipes drool from lips*
Do you have a favourite toy? If yes, what is it?
No, I don't have any special toy that I play with. If you toss me a ball, I'll bat it around a little, but that gets ho-hum pretty quickly so don't bother if you don't feel like it. I usually just nose around and find stuff to play with if I'm in the mood, so don't fuss.

Gee, you're no fun. I love playing catch and bringing back the ball. Guess I won't ask you to play with me then.
How do you spend your day?
For me, every day is different. I don't want to get in the rut where most of you dogs are. Every day you guys eat dog food, bark a bit, chew on a bone, chase a stick, sit, lie down at your human's feet hoping he will give you a little pat or put a LEASH on you for a walk.You won't see ol' Bigfoot doing any of that! You have probably noticed that I'm an enterprising cat and that's what I do every day. Think up new things to get in to. I'd give you a list of all my achievements but you don't have room to print it all. 

Rut? What rut? Oh you mean this hole I dug. Yes, I guess it is a bit like a rut. But don't you think it's impressive. Look how big it is.
What is your favourite colour and why?
I don't have a favourite colour. Why should I have a favourite? Well, on second thought, maybe orange, but I like them all. Grey -- like a vole, blue -- like the sky, green -- like the grass, white -- like the snow, etc, etc! I'll bet that your favourite is mud-puddle brown! Right, Loup?

So poetic, Big. You are a true cat of nature. And how'd you guess I loved mud-puddle brown?  You know me well.
If you could travel through time to any time period, what time would you choose and why?
I can travel through time already. I did some last week. The best place for a cat to go is to Ancient Egypt because they worshipped cats and made idols and stuff like that. I had a great time and never wanted for anything all the time I was there, although it was a bit hard to find tinned milk for my wuna. I spent a lot of time posing for tourists and sphinx builders. I don't know where you could go, Loup. I've never heard of ancient dog-worship! Hee! Hee!

You'd be surprised, Big. Anyhow, I don't need to time travel to be worshiped, right ladies? They all love me. I know you and Gordie are jealous of that but it doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable in my fur and confident of the adoration. I deserve it.
What is your favourite TV show?
I don't watch T.V. much, but I have a favourite musical! It's called CATS and is really a good show! I don't think they would let YOU in to see it, Loup, but I've got a DVD that I'll lend you.

Gee, thanks, I think. *Rolls eyes*
If you had your own reality show, what would it be like?
I hear that a reality show is about ordinary people doing ordinary stuff in ordinary ways. I don't fit in that category so I guess I'll give it a miss. If I had a show it sure wouldn't be ordinary! It would have a lot of exciting vole hunting in it and be of great interest to everyone. Maybe I should do that.   

*Yawns* What was that, Big? Oh sorry. Where were we?
How do you feel knowing that dogs are so superior to cats in every way? Does it bother you?
Loup, you are suffering from what is known as 'Word Substitution Phobia'. In your question you inadvertently used the word DOG instead of CAT. It is treatable if caught early so I think you should see your Vet about it right away! 

Oh, good grief. Has this cat got CATtitude or what? What an ego! I never act like that, do I gang? *Looks into mud puddle and admires reflection. Grins making teeth ping*
Is there anything else you want your fans to know about you?
Well, my fans know quite a bit about me already. After reading this I suppose that there will be even more people joining my fan club and wanting pawtographs and all that. I'll still be the same modest, somewhat shy, and lovable Bigfoot.

Modest? HA! Somewhat shy? Double HA! Lovable? Well, kinda I guess though when you get together with Gordon Drummond, that saucy white Persian from New Zealand, I'm not sure how lovable you are. You two cats are double trouble.

Thanks for the interview, Big. Appreciate it. You can get back to your vole hunting and time traveling now. See you on Facebook, Uncle! 

Big, Big. Are you listening to me? Geesh, he fell asleep. Guess the interview wore him out.

No comments:

Post a Comment